Click on a question below to view its answer.
What do I need to use CONK!?
You’ll need a computer or device running any modern web browser – we recommend Google Chrome for all devices – and a broadband internet connection. If you’re reading this, you probably already have this stuff.
Although CONK! has a great smartphone interface (just point your phone’s web browser to conk.com to see it) – and unlike almost all other current web services – CONK! is optimized for larger screens. And the larger the better: it’s pretty hard to peruse one of our ebooks or magazines on a small screen (although it’s definitely possible); and our music app is much easier to use on a desktop or laptop than a phone.
If you want to watch some of our movies or TV shows on your TV, you’ll need an HDMI cable to connect your desktop or laptop computer up to the television, or alternately a Google Chromecast dongle.
How do I know I’ll like it?
Because you can pretty much try it out before you buy. Almost the entirety of our user interface is open to the public – except you can’t actually view most content if you’re not logged in. But you can see what our inventory is on that day (we get new stuff in daily), and we have display samples of almost all our various content types for you to play with: go to conk.com/samples to see them.
If I don’t like it, can I get a refund?
Sorry, but no. It’s the reason we recommend that all new members start with the $4.99 monthly account. If you decide CONK! isn’t for you, you can easily cancel (it’s super-easy to do; see the question immediately below) – and then you’re out only five bucks. (If you want to save some money, you can always upgrade to a six-month or yearly subscription in your Account Center later.)
If I sign up for CONK! and don’t like it, is it easy for me to cancel?
It’s super-easy to close your CONK! account – it takes less than a minute, and you don’t need to “contact us” to do it, either. Log in to your account and go to your Account Center, and under “My Memberships” click on the “Cancel” link. On the next screen you’ll be asked to confirm. And that’s it – your account will be closed, and you won’t be billed again. How hard is that?
Seriously? No ads?
Seriously, no ads. But let’s be specific here: no display ads – i.e., webpage advertising. Also, to be clear: Ads – as well as commercials – are shown within the video players and viewers that display our content; they are put there by our content providers, and this is the primary way our content providers get compensated.
But to answer the question: Yes, there are no ads at all on the screens of our user interface.
You’re going to sell my data, aren’t you?
No, we aren’t. We pledge in our Terms of Service that we will never sell or give away any of your data to third parties – and the proof of this is, we hardly collect any. On our checkout page, we don’t even ask for your real name or physical address. All we ask from you is a username, password, email address and the minimum amount of credit card info needed to process your subscription – that’s it.
For us to exploit your data (that we don’t collect…), we’d need an extra sales staff and IT department; and we’ve figured that, by the time we pay for those, the money we’d make off your data would be pretty much a wash anyway. Not to mention that we’re kinda old-school over here, and as consumers find the whole exercise a little unseemly.
You’re going to spam me, aren’t you?
No, we aren’t. As mentioned in the answer immediately above, we pledge not to sell or give away your email address to any third party.
As for us, aside from the occasional system status emails, we might occasionally send you an email about a new feature on our service, or to announce other products and services we launch under the CONK! brand. But we very much doubt you’ll hear from us more than 3-4 times a year. We’re really intent on making your use of CONK! a pleasurable experience.
You’re going to upsell me on a bunch of other cable and streaming services, aren’t you?
No, we aren’t. We don’t even understand why we’d want to do this. We don’t want to sign you up for another streaming service. We want you to be so happy with CONK! that you re-up for another year. Does that make sense?
Exactly how much new content does CONK! add every day?
It’s not a precise amount – and it varies greatly based on the time of year – but on a typical weekday we add about a half-dozen movies and about a dozen episodes of currently-running TV series (usually added 1-9 days after they air on cable or broadcast TV; less stuff on weekends and during the summer months); about a half-dozen magazines; and 3-4 new ebooks and games daily. And almost all our talk-radio shows add episodes after each weekday.
Our Music section brings in new major-label album releases every Wednesday; and of the roughly 600 videos in our News section every day, about half of them are new (with the previous day’s videos being pushed farther down the queue). (By the way, all this stuff is added in the middle of the night, U.S. time, by robots. It’s Da Future, Bay-Bee!…)
If I need help, is customer service available?
Logged-in members have access to a customer support form; but unfortunately, we make no guarantee that your support request will be answered. Of course, global technical issues will always be dealt with promptly; but requests specifically related to your particular issues will be answered only as time allows.
At five bucks a month, we could easily eat up all of our revenues attempting to answer every member request. This is one of the casualties of our ultra-low price. But rest assured that, if you can reasonably run a web browser, you should have no problems using CONK! or your CONK! account.
I’m really broke. Can I share someone else’s CONK! account?
No, you may not. Not only is this against our Terms of Service, but it’s technically not possible. Our system is set up so that, if you’re logged on and someone else logs into the same account, you’re instantly thrown out. Only one person can be logged into a CONK! account at any one time.
My password doesn’t work – and I know it’s right. How come?
On our system, passwords are case-sensitive – i.e., if you used a capital “B” in “Brooklyn” in your password when you signed up, that’s the way you’re going to have to type it in to enter your account. This is the primary reason logins fail; so check to make certain you’re doing this. (Often this problem is caused by inadvertently hitting the “Caps Lock” button on your desktop or laptop keyboard; so make sure this is off when you enter your password.)
Ironically, usernames and email addresses on CONK! are NOT case-sensitive – so the system doesn’t care if you enter “Bryan” or “bryan” as your username. But passwords must be entered exactly the same way they were entered when you registered. (BTW: If you click the “Remember Me” box on the login screen when you sign in, that will keep you logged in on that device for one whole year. If you share that device with someone else, you might want to take that into consideration before doing it.)
How do I close my account (without your help)?
You don’t need to contact us to close your CONK! account. After you log in, go to your “My Account” screen and under “My Memberships” click on the “Cancel” link. On the next screen you’ll be asked to confirm your intentions. And that’s it – your account will be closed, and you won’t be billed again.
I got a message saying I’ve been automatically logged out of my account. What gives?
This relates to the question about sharing accounts in the “Pre-Sale Questions” section above. If you know you’re not sharing your account with anyone else, this will usually happen if you log in using the “Remember Me” checkbox on multiple devices. On CONK!, only one device can be logged into an account at any one time, from any location; if there is already a device logged into that account, that device is automatically logged out.
The “Remember Me” checkbox on the login screen will keep you logged into your CONK! account on that device for one year. If you enable that checkbox on more than one device, when you go back to the first device you enabled it on after using another device, that first device will be logged out according to these rules. So there’s nothing wrong “per se” – you’ll just have to keep this in mind when you access CONK! on more than one machine.
On the other hand, if you only use CONK! on one device and this still consistently happens, then there is a distinct possibility that someone else knows your password and is using your account. That could be anything from your teenage daughter figuring out what your password was, to getting your machine hacked via wifi at your local coffee shop. If this is the case, we strongly recommend you log into your Account Center and change your password as soon as possible. (Also keep in mind that it is against our Terms of Service for you to knowingly share your CONK! account with anyone.)
How come the number of episodes available for my favorite TV show never changes? Aren’t you updating it?
When you select a category for TV Shows, all the series in that category appear at the top of the right-hand column of those screens (or if you’re on mobile, immediately below the episode listings); and the number in parentheses after each listing is the number of episodes of that show that we currently have available. But just because that number might not change doesn’t necessarily mean we haven’t got new episodes in.
Many of our content providers only allow us to keep a certain number of episodes of any one TV series available at any one time (typically, it’s usually five episodes). So when we get a new episode from that series, in these instances our system is set up to automatically delete the oldest episode in the inventory to make room for the newest one just added. If that’s the case, we’ve added new episodes to that show – but the number of episodes available will not change. (A good example of this is our inventory for the TV drama Chicago Fire – it’s actively updated, but typically we only have the latest five episodes available.)
This remains true even if the show goes on summer break or “mid-season hiatus”: we will keep a certain number of the latest episodes of that series – and, even if it hasn’t been added to in months, when a new episode finally arrives, the oldest one on the list will then leave our inventory. (NB: Only shows in the “Classic Series” TV category never get updated.)
CONK! works great on my phone – but some of the videos won’t play. How come?
Some movies and TV episodes on CONK! will not play on smartphones and tablets. This is not a technical restriction but rather is due to the licensing requirements some of our content providers impose on us: in some instances, we cannot allow these videos to play on “mobile devices”. But amazingly, the contractual definition of “mobile devices” does not include notebooks and laptops – they will all display all movies and TV shows on CONK! So if you want to access CONK! on your ultrabook at the coffee shop, you’re good to go – you’ll be able to access our entire video inventory. But if you’re on a tablet or smartphone… well, that’s another matter.
If you try to play one of the restricted videos on a mobile device, what happens will depend on your device and your browser: you might see an error message, you might get just a black box, or you might see a white space where the video player is supposed to be. These contractual restrictions apply only to some movies and TV episodes and to no other type of content on CONK! – so all news and music videos, games, books and magazines, and talk-radio audio all appear on all devices.
Where can I download a CONK app for my phone?
They’re on their way. They weren’t finished when we opened in October 2017; we expect them to be available the first quarter of 2018.
In the meantime, you can access CONK! on your phone by pointing your phone’s web browser to conk.com. CONK!’s terrific web interface employs a cutting-edge technology called “responsiveness”, which means the interface auto-magically reformats itself, on the fly, to whatever the dimensions are of the web browser displaying it. And it just doesn’t “squeeze stuff in”, either – it will actually change the layout of the screen depending on the size and orientation of your device’s display. We encourage you to try it.
I want to save stuff I really like to play later. How can I do that?
When you’re logged in, in the left-hand margin of every movie, TV episode and game you’ll see a widget with the title “Add to My Favorites” – and that title links to your Favorites page, at conk.com/favorites. Every member gets a “Default Collection” to put their bookmarks in to start; but you can create as many collections as you want. (Just click the button marked “New Collection” in that left-hand widget and name your new collection in the textbox.) Use the drop-down menu at the top of the widget to choose what collection you want to put your newly-discovered gem in (if you’ve created more than one collection), and then hit the button “Add to Collection”. Viola! – the page won’t even refresh, you’ll see a little pop-up notice that confirms that that page was saved to your Favorites.
You can then go to your Favorites page (accessible from the full slide-out menu at top right) to use your bookmarks and manage your collections. There’s one thing you have to keep in mind, though: if one of our content providers removes a video or game from their library, that video or game is also removed from CONK! within 24 hours; so if you see a bookmark that reads “Content Deleted”, then you’ll know that’s what happened. (Needless to say, the Favorites system is only accessible to CONK! members.)
When I go to a video’s page, I get an error message saying “A plugin is needed to display this content” (or something similar). What’s going on?
At this point, if you see an error message like this you are almost certainly using the Mozilla Firefox web browser; and you’re seeing the message because the Adobe Flash plugin for Firefox has been automatically turned off because it’s out of date. The Adobe Flash plugin allows some video files to be played on web pages; it’s now mostly obsolete, as modern browsers now will play all common video files directly. However, some older video files still need this plugin to do the streaming conversion – and one of the consequences of running an uber-cheap streaming service like CONK! is being offered these files from content providers. (Neither the Google Chrome nor Microsoft Edge browsers have this problem, as they have proprietary Flash converters built into their browsers that update when the browser itself does.)
If you see this message, you need to update the Adobe Flash plugin – called, confusingly, “Shockwave Flash” in your Firefox Plugins list (NOT the “Extensions” list; go to “Addons” off the mains “Tools” menu to find both lists). The reason it’s so important to keep this plugin updated is because hackers are constantly finding bugs in it that make your computer vulnerable to outside attacks. (This is also one reason why both Google and Microsoft decided to create their own versions from scratch.) The Shockwave Flash plugin is supposed to update itself automatically by default – but there’s lots of reason why this does not always happen.
Instead of us re-inventing the wheel here, we are going to refer you to Mozilla’s official pages for dealing with this problem:
- Mozilla’s official Plugin Check page: This will let you know exactly what your problem is (not just with the Flash plugin, but with all the plugins you have installed);
- How to Install the Flash Plugin;
- Flash Plugin – Troubleshooting Problems.
Finally, to make certain the Flash plugin automatically updates once you get this problem fixed, go to Adobe’s official Flash test page, right-click on the animation at the top of the page (which is using Flash to display) and choose “Global Settings” from the pop-up menu. When the Flash Player Settings Manager appears, go to the “Updates” tab and choose “Allow Adobe to install updates” and save that. This should (hopefully, but not for certain… 🙂 ) take care of this problem for good.
I want to play CONK! videos on my TV. How can I do that?
We have a whole separate page devoted to this topic. But to summarize: the best way to accomplish this is to hook your laptop computer (NOT a tablet or smartphone – here’s why) to your TV with an HDMI cable. And if you don’t own a laptop: keep in mind that, at $19.95 a year, a one-year CONK! membership and a $200 laptop are about the same cost as one year of Netflix ($119.88) and a Roku or Apple TV box ($50-150)… AND NOW YOU ALSO OWN A LAPTOP. More on this »