FUNNY NEWS
- ● Trump Makes Appearance In 'Orange Lives Matter' Shirt
MAR-A-LAGO — Hip-hop artist and fashion designer Kanye West was embroiled in controversy this week after wearing a shirt bearing the phrase "White Lives Matter" across its back. Not to be outdone, former President Donald Trump... Read more »
Published: October 5, 2022 - 6:55 pm - ● Backwoods Dietitians Recommend Squirrel As Essential Part Of Good Eatin’
PAW PAW, WV—Claiming the rodent meat was plumb key for fillin’ you up, backwoods dietitians recommended squirrel Wednesday as an essential part of good eatin’. “Accordin’ to what I had done seen, if you wantin’ something... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 6:00 pm
- ● Biden Calls Dave Ramsey's Radio Show For Advice On Paying Off $31 Trillion
NASHVILLE, TN — This week, U.S. President Joe Biden called into the radio show of personal finance guru Dave Ramsey, asking for financial advice for paying off his $31 trillion debt.... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 5:46 pm - ● Aaron Judge Sets Record For Most Home Runs By Person With A Normal-Sized Head
NEW YORK CITY, NY — Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge has hit his 62nd home run, setting the American League single-season record for someone with a normal-sized head.... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 5:27 pm - ● Man Starting To Suspect Chess Opponent With All Queens Hustling Him
NEW YORK—Questioning whether the other player had misrepresented his skill level, local man Victor Luongo told reporters Tuesday he was starting to suspect his chess opponent with all queens was hustling him. “He insisted when we... Read more » - ● Kevin McCarthy Claims Lack Of Mental Health Services In Schools Got Him Where He Is Today
WASHINGTON—Explaining why he and nearly every Republican in the House of Representatives had voted against a bill that would increase student access to counseling services, Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy stated Wednesday that a lack of mental... Read more » - ● Identical Twins Unconcerned After Having Bodies Swapped By Lightning Strike
SEEKONK, MA—After groggily waking up and looking down at their unfamiliar clothes, local identical twins Graham and Greg Lindwood were said to be largely unconcerned Wednesday after having their bodies swapped by a lightning strike. “Wait…but... Read more » - ● 2022 Nobel Prize Winners
Committees in Norway and Sweden are awarding the Nobel Prizes this week to recognize important contributions by individuals in specific fields. The Onion runs down the list of 2022 Nobel Prize winners.Read more...... Read more » - ● What To Say To A Partner If You Gave Them An STI
With gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis sharply on the rise in the United States, it’s more important than ever to be prepared. If you’ve given your partner an STI, here’s what you should say.Read more...... Read more » - ● Fishing Tournament Ends In Cheating Scandal After Weights Found In Walleye
A duo that had been declared winners of a fishing tournament series event were caught in a cheating scandal after a tournament official discovered lead weights stuffed inside their fish, disqualifying them from the $28,760 prize.... Read more » - ● FEMA Requires Flood Victims To Pass Drug Test Before Qualifying For Rescue
WASHINGTON—Explaining that all victims of Hurricane Ian must meet the necessary requirements in order to receive aid, the Federal Emergency Management Agency announced Wednesday that individuals at risk of dying in floods would be required to... Read more » - ● Newly Upgraded Tesla AI Makes Fart Noise Any Time It Runs Over Child
FREMONT, CA—Touting the hidden feature’s ability to make hands-free driving even more fun, a newly upgraded Tesla AI released Wednesday reportedly makes a fart noise any time it runs over a child. “Starting today, all Tesla... Read more » - Phil Vischer Pens Fun New VeggieTales Episode 'Laura Carrot Gets An Abortion'
WHEATON, IL — The evangelical world is abuzz after VeggieTales creator Phil Vischer, who recently said he supports abortion in some cases, announced a brand new film in which beloved character Laura Carrot aborts her baby... Read more »Published: October 4, 2022 - 8:44 pm - SNL Writers Forced To Make Fun of Trump Again As There Is Nothing Funny About Current President
NEW YORK CITY, NY — Saturday Night Live has launched yet another season featuring more parodies of former President Donald Trump. The cast and crew stated they would love to make fun of the current president... Read more »Published: October 4, 2022 - 8:30 pm - Homeless Vagrant Wins Fashion Award After Stumbling Onto Stage At Paris Fashion Week
PARIS — Homeless vagrant Jean-Michel de Beauvoir won the coveted Palme d'Louvre award for Best in Fashion after stumbling onto the stage during Paris Fashion Week during a Balenciaga show.... Read more »Published: October 4, 2022 - 7:42 pm - Planned Parenthood Hires Long-Range Snipers To Perform Abortions In Red States
U.S. — Three months have passed since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, and Planned Parenthood has since struggled to reach its goals of lovingly killing unborn babies and harvesting their parts for money due... Read more »Published: October 4, 2022 - 6:23 pm - Kim Kardashian To Pay $1.26 Million Over SEC Charges
The top U.S. financial regulator has charged celebrity Kim Kardashian for touting a cryptocurrency on her Instagram account without disclosing that she was paid for the promotion. What do you think?Read more...... Read more »
- ● Mortgage advisor warns not to put joke references when sending money to your mates
Mortgage specialists KAG Financial uploaded a video to TikTok to warn people against using joke references when transferring money to friends as it could harm your application... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 4:04 pm
- ● Thrifty foodie explains how to make perfect air fryer pizza in minutes
A savvy food-lover has shown how pizza lovers can whip up a fresh slice using their air fryer, making savings on the energy they would have used with the oven - the easy recipe involved just... Read more » - ● Fluffy dog forced to wear fall sweater is fucking burning up
CALGARY – Despite the unseasonably warm fall weather rolling through Western Canada, 4-year-old Pomeranian mix Sandy has been dressed in a sweater simply because it’s ‘just so dang adorable.’ “If you’re peeling layers off to reveal... Read more »
Published: October 5, 2022 - 3:30 pm - ● Hockey fans training hard to get into peak trash talking shape
MONTREAL – Local Habs fan Jeff Donoghue says he needs just a few more training sessions before he is in mid-season trash talking shape. “Other off-seasons I’ve kind of let my game and conditioning slip, but... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 3:14 pm - ● Woman's jaw drops as her appendix 'goes missing' and doctors don’t know where it's gone
A woman was shocked after doctor's claim that her appendix didn't appear on a CT scan despite the fact that she's 'always' had one. Warning: This video contains graphic language.... Read more » - ● Couple baffled as pals leave a bathtub full of goldfish in their home while on honeymoon
A couple was gobsmacked as they came home from their romantic honeymoon getaway to discover their friends had savagely pranked their home - people are criticising the hoax but the newlyweds have confirmed that the fish... Read more » - ● Domino's superfan gets logo tattooed on his thigh - but it didn't earn him free pizza
A Domino's superfan decided to get the pizza chain's logo tattooed on his thigh to signify his love for the takeaway, but it hasn't been enough to blag him a free pizza so far... Read more » - ● Cleaning expert shares how to remove mould from washing machine with one ingredient
It might be a household chore that you tend to avoid, but cleaning your washing machine is important as the appliance can harbour a lot of dirt and grime - people are praising the hack as... Read more » - ● Dog owner in hysterics over photo delivery driver left as proof of postage
A dog owner has taken to Reddit to share the photo a Timpson's delivery driver left as proof of postage - he joked about his dog being able to sign for parcels when they come to... Read more » - ● McDonald's employee explains 'how onions are made' - and it's making people 'nauseous'
A TikTok user named Justin who claims to work at McDonald's explained how staff prepare onions for burgers but people were left baffled by the method which is commonly used in the food industry... Read more » - ● Woman fumes as family lumped her with £300 dinner bill and refused to pay it back
After arriving for a big family meal, one woman and her boyfriend were left with the enormous bill as the rest of the family got up and left the restaurant... Read more » - ● 'My husband cheated on me because I don't wear sexy underwear - I'm furious'
A cheating husband has blamed his infidelity on the fact that his partner doesn't wear sexy underwear - people have branded him a 'narcissist' and criticised his excuse after he tried to claim that his affair... Read more » - ● Man spends £12,480 to become a dog - and practices rolling, sitting and paw
A Japanese man has spent roughly £12,480 on a realistic border collie costume to look exactly like his favourite breed of dog - and pretends to live like a pet wearing it... Read more » - ● Fuming mum blasts B&M after £20 wallpaper 'wouldn't stick to her walls'
A mum has been left seething after a roll of £20 B&M wallpaper just wouldn't stick to her walls, despite her having tried for more than a month to apply it... Read more » - ● Nursery worker slams 'annoying' parents who drop kids off in pyjamas
Leaving your little one at nursery all day can be a tough one for parents but one nursery worker has revealed the most annoying habits of parents when dropping off - including the attire they arrive... Read more » - ● People left in tears at golden retriever's touching daily routine with elderly neighbour
Maisy the 11-year-old golden retriever and Richard the 90-year-old pensioner are going viral on TikTok after sharing their sweet friendship and morning routine... Read more » - ● Vet shares common dog names she's bored of - including Luna and Teddy
A vet has taken to social media to share the 'overused' dog names she is sick of hearing at work - she doesn't want them to be used on newborn puppies next year... Read more » - ● Woman with world's longest nails hasn't visited nail salon in 22 years
A woman who has the longest nails in the world has opened up about what life is really like with a combined nail length of 1,306.58 cm (42 ft 10.4 in), and says she hasn't been... Read more » - ● Mum blasted for letting young son play in the garden at 'unacceptable' time
A mum has been slammed online after saying she lets her son play in the garden at 8.30 in the morning, as other parents said this was 'too early' and would annoy her neighbours... Read more » - ● Baby names most likely to go extinct, as Jack, Kerry, and Clifford fall in popularity
Baby names which saw great popularity in previous years have plummeted in numbers according to a new report from Office for National Statistics' (ONS), with Jack falling out of the top ten for the first time... Read more »
- ● A gay couple that's suing New York City to use women as incubators says that not allowing gay men access to taxpayer-funded surrogacy is "discrimination"
A gay couple in New York City that filed a class-action lawsuit against the city for not letting them use a woman as an incubator to have kids has been featured yet again in a media... Read more »
Published: October 5, 2022 - 6:30 pm - ● This '90s WWE memes account is hilarious and I don't like to laugh alone so here ya go
Someone dedicated an entire Twitter account to expressing deep thoughts through '90s WWE memes, so of course I had to share it with you because let's be honest, we all need a laugh these days.... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 5:34 pm - ● Three different Massachusetts colleges just extended their mask mandates indefinitely. In Fall 2022. 😑
How long are we going to have to put up with this absolutely ludicrous Covid nonsense?... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 4:55 pm - ● Planned Parenthood releases ad pushing puberty blockers aimed at children, and I’m starting to think this looks a lot like eugenics.
After Planned Parenthood lost the ability to kill children in the womb in several states with the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade, they needed a way to make up some of that income.... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 4:37 pm - ● Civilization's already about to collapse, so sure, why not go ahead and make a "butter board" and serve it to your dinner guests
I'm done arguing against this stuff. Everything's on the way out, right? Two millennia of hard-won civilizational stability is crumbling before our very eyes. Why fight it?... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 4:08 pm - ● Police say a serial killer may be active and on the loose in California
You don't hear much about serial killers these days as you used to, but it looks like California unfortunately may have one on its hands:... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 3:56 pm - ● Remember when the media went BALLISTIC cuz Melania Trump wore stilettos to tour hurricane damage? Yeah, here's Jill Biden en route to Florida. 😂
I'm sure that the New York Times, WaPo, and Vogue are all furiously banging at their keyboards right now to be the first to offer a hit piece on Jill Biden for doing the absolutely unthinkable:... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 3:48 pm - ● The NYT wrote these two stories about the same company 24 hours apart. What a time to be alive.
This is, perhaps, one of the greatest ironic self-owns in the history of the internet.... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 3:11 pm - ● We need to talk about Tony Bobulinski's insane new interview with Tucker Carlson, because it may be the most important exposé on government corruption in our lifetimes
"The fact pattern is the FBI alone altered history in that election."... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 2:32 pm - ● Beetlejuice 2 looks flipping awful
The sequel to Beetlejuice looks absolutely awful.... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 1:55 pm - ● The New York Times is getting roasted for this utterly ridiculous headline. Check it out. 🤡
Despite Don Lemon getting absolutely embarrassed on CNN for trying to tie Hurricane Ian to climate change, the rest of the media have decided to continue to trudge down Lemon Lane and go to great efforts... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 1:35 pm - ● ‘The Neverending Story’ and other films that are shite on rewatching
BELOVED films from your childhood were never amazing cinematic classic, you were just eight. Upon rewatching, these ones are terrible.... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 12:01 pm
- ● A California high school just canceled its football season after a video surfaced of the team holding a mock "slave auction" and I have questions
I didn't expect to get up today and write about a fake slave sale in California, but nevertheless here we are.... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 11:38 am - ● The last days of the “Last Best Hope”
With as much as I love Scripture, I've never been overly enthralled with the topic of end times prophecy. I'm glad to humor those who are, but attempting to decipher or predict Christ's return and the... Read more »Published: October 5, 2022 - 11:18 am - ● Six things middle-class students dabble with at university that are far worse than drugs
MANY parents worry about their children experimenting with drugs in university, but these dark paths are actually far more dangerous to venture down.... Read more » - ● Workers you think are flirting with you but are actually just being polite
IT'S crucial to remember that people in shops and cafes are being paid to be nice to you. Here are five you definitely shouldn’t hit on.... Read more » - ● Office worker eats lunch at 10am, loses mind at 2pm
AN employee has caved and eaten his lunch ludicrously early, shifting his usual post-work mental breakdown into the mid-afternoon.... Read more »
and