FUNNY NEWS
- ● Disney Digitally Alters Bart Simpson's Catchphrase From 'Cowabunga!' To 'Taiwan Is Not A Sovereign State!'
BURBANK, CA—At the entertainment giant’s world headquarters, Disney Imagineers showed off new technology that uses artificial intelligence to scan the more than 700 episodes of “The Simpsons” and replace Bart Simpson’s probably-offensive catchphrase “Cowabunga!” with the... Read more »
Published: November 30, 2021 - 9:18 pm - ● Jack Dorsey Steps Down As Twitter CEO
Jack Dorsey has stepped down as Twitter CEO, 15 years after launching the microblogging social media platform that’s now often central to debates around responsibility to curb hate speech, violent rhetoric, and misinformation. What do you... Read more »Published: November 30, 2021 - 9:05 pm
- ● New Calvinist Escape Room Has Participants Do Nothing While They Wait For Someone To Let Them Out
NASHVILLE, TN—Christian entertainment company 4HisGlory Amusements has announced an exciting new escape room experience based on Calvinist theology. Participants will be entirely unable to do anything to escape the room and instead must wait for an actor... Read more »Published: November 30, 2021 - 8:06 pm - ● What To Say When Someone Tells You To Lose Weight
When it comes to your body, people should keep their opinions to themselves. Here’s what to say when someone says you need to lose weight.Read more...... Read more » - ● Santa To Replace 'Naughty Or Nice' List With 'Vaxxed Or Unvaxxed' List
NORTH POLE—In a major break with hundreds of years of Christmas tradition, Santa Claus will not be using his famous “Naughty or Nice” list this year. Instead, Father Christmas will be keeping a list of vaccinated... Read more »Published: November 30, 2021 - 7:28 pm - ● ‘Handled Variety Of Tasks,’ Writes Kamala Harris, Struggling To Fill Out Performance Review Self-Assessment
WASHINGTON—Struggling to describe her work responsibilities in the most favorable manner possible, Vice President Kamala Harris wrote, “Handled variety of tasks,” on the self-assessment portion of her annual White House performance review, administration officials confirmed Tuesday.... Read more » - ● Critics Claim Mac Jones Just Product Of Being Talented Quarterback In System With Elite Defense And Coaching
FOXBOROUGH, MA—Slamming the rookie’s success as a fluke of organizational competence, critics claimed Tuesday that Patriots quarterback Mac Jones was just the product of being a talented player in a system with elite defense and coaching.... Read more » - ● Nation’s Embattled CEOs Announce We Just Gotta Do Better, Simple As That
WASHINGTON—Confirming that it had been a disappointing quarter, the nation’s embattled CEOs announced Tuesday that we just gotta do better, simple as that. “It’s not an easy conversation to have, folks, but we’re gonna have to... Read more » - ● CNN Brings Back Chris Cuomo To Host New Show ‘To Shield A Predator’
ATLANTA, GA—CNN has announced that they will bring back Chris Cuomo to host a new addition to their evening lineup of shows, titled To Shield a Predator. The post CNN Brings Back Chris Cuomo To Host... Read more »Published: November 30, 2021 - 6:14 pm - ● Man Just 3 More Failed Goals Away From Becoming Crypto Guy
MILWAUKEE—Confirming that he had long been intrigued by alternative currencies, local man Graham McCormick told reporters Tuesday that he was only three more failed goals away from becoming a crypto guy. “Really, I just need another... Read more » - ● Square Enix Writers Explain Why They’ll Never Put The Coward Marlin Into A ‘Kingdom Hearts’ Game
Readers, get ready for some gaming insight, because the Square Enix writers behind the hit Kingdom Hearts series just gave us an exclusive interview about why they’ll never include the coward, Marlin the clownfish, in their... Read more » - ● Supreme Court To Carefully Consider Pros, Cons Of Baby Murder
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Supreme Court is hearing arguments on abortion law this week, where they will carefully weigh the pros and cons of murdering babies with metal tearing instruments and high-powered vacuums. The post Supreme Court To... Read more »Published: November 30, 2021 - 5:11 pm - ● Dr. Scholl’s Introduces New Amputation Kit For Dry, Cracked Feet
PARSIPPANY, NJ—Touting the product’s ability to not only treat, but also prevent the condition, Dr. Scholl’s introduced a new amputation kit Tuesday for dry, cracked feet. “When hydrating foot balms and creams just won’t do the... Read more » - ● Quebec Releasing Strategic Maple Syrup Reserves Amid ShortageThe Quebec Maple Syrup Producers is releasing roughly 50 million pounds from its strategic maple syrup reserves, almost half of the stockpile, following a hot and short spring that led to a lower yield. What do... Read more »
- ● She’s Back! Doritos Signs 12-Year Contract With Aunt Jemima
U.S.—After a brief hiatus amid racial tensions and increased anti-ethnic-mascot sentiment, the beloved Aunt Jemima is back, having signed a new 12-year contract with Frito-Lay. The post She’s Back! Doritos Signs 12-Year Contract With Aunt Jemima appeared... Read more »Published: November 30, 2021 - 12:43 am - 10 Major Disasters From History And How The Media Reported Them
Brought to you by: The post 10 Major Disasters From History And How The Media Reported Them appeared first on The Babylon Bee.... Read more »Published: November 29, 2021 - 10:55 pm - Fauci Dons Funny Hat, Declares Himself To Be Pope Of Science
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stunning reveal, Dr. Fauci has appeared on camera in an ornate and funny hat, and is now declaring himself the "Pope of Science." The post Fauci Dons Funny Hat, Declares Himself To Be Pope... Read more »Published: November 29, 2021 - 9:13 pm - Theater-Loving Friend Crying For Different Reason Today
NEW YORK—Confirming that her intense mood swings and dour composure were unrelated to any recent loss in the Broadway community, sources confirmed Monday that local theatre-loving friend Jennifer Kershner was crying for a different reason today.... Read more » - Hundreds Of FedEx Packages Found Dumped In Ravine
Alabama police are investigating after an estimated 300 to 400 FedEx packages of various sizes were found dumped in a ravine north of Birmingham. What do you think?Read more...... Read more »
and