FUNNY NEWS
- Not Drinking A Whole Pot Of Coffee At Night — And 8 Other Revolutionary Ways to Improve Your Sleep
Let's face it, getting good sleep can be tough these days! From the busyness of parenting fussy children to the stress of the day's news, there's always something keeping you awake.... Read more »
Published: June 6, 2023 - 10:46 pm - 'The View' Hosts Wear Klan Hoods To Prove Tim Scott Wrong About America's Racial Progress
NEW YORK, NY — Hosts of the daytime talk show The View completely shut down Republican candidate Tim Scott's claim of tremendous racial progress in America by donning Klan hoods, sources say.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 10:36 pm - Zelensky Accuses Russia Of Putting Little Nazi Stickers On The Helmets Of All His Soldiers
KYIV — Tensions flared today after Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy accused Russia of sending espionage agents into his country to place little Nazi stickers on all his soldiers' helmets.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 8:30 pm - Lululemon Fires Employee For Not Offering To Help Looters Bag Clothes And Load Them Into Their Car
VANCOUVER — Popular clothing retailer Lululemon has announced additional firings, this time for employees who refused to offer to bag stolen merchandise and load it into looters' getaway vehicles for them.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 7:42 pm - Excited Parents Inform Only Child He’s Going To Have A Little Competitor For Their Love And Attention
AKRON, OH—Sitting the 4-year-old down to share their big news with him, Ella and Demetrius Hayes informed their only child Tuesday that, before long, he was going to have an adorable little rival for their love... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 7:10 pm
- What’s In The Pentagon Report On UFOs
Details have begun to leak about an upcoming Pentagon report declassifying government intelligence about unidentified flying objects. The Onion provides some of the most intriguing details from the upcoming report on UFOs.Read more...... Read more » - Unable To Afford Apple Vision Headset, Man Duct-Tapes iPhone To Old Pair Of Ski Goggles
HARRISON, AR — A local man was excited by the announcement of Apple's new augmented reality headset but was left disappointed by the high price tag. Unable to afford the new headset, the man has found... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 6:27 pm - Scholars Believe Noah Made Rookie Mistake Of Washing The Ark The Day Before It Started Raining
MESOPOTAMIA — Recently discovered evidence has led biblical scholars to believe Noah made the mistake of washing his ark the day before it began raining. This new understanding has given researchers reason to think the flood... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 5:30 pm - Taylor Swift Fans React To Her Breakup With Matt Healy
After about one month of dating, Taylor Swift and English singer-songwriter Matt Healy have officially called it quits. The Onion asked Swifties how they felt about the artist’s latest high-profile breakup, and this is what they... Read more » - Twitter Users React To Elon Musk’s Censorship
Despite portraying himself as a paragon of free speech, Twitter owner Elon Musk has repeatedly given into the requests of powerful autocratic regimes to silence their citizens. The Onion asked Twitter users how they felt about... Read more » - Mid-Sized City’s So-Called Rush Hour Absolutely Pathetic
INDIANAPOLIS—Rolling his eyes at what barely constituted a congested highway, out-of-state driver Habib Khan told reporters Monday that Indianapolis’ so-called rush hour traffic was absolutely pathetic. “So this is what everyone was warning me about? It’s... Read more » - Pentagon Releases Images That Appear To Show Random Chinese Guy
WASHINGTON—Claiming the seemingly unconnected private citizen was evidence of something probably, the Pentagon released images Tuesday that appeared to show a random Chinese guy. “Though we do not know his name or anything about him, we... Read more » - Landfill Of Fast Fashion Clothing Now Large Enough To Be Seen From Space
A mountain of unused fast fashion clothing items in the Atacama Desert in Chile has grown so large that satellites have captured clear images of it. What do you think?Read more...... Read more » - Frightened Man Momentarily Forced To Engage With Reality In Between TV Episodes
CALDWELL, ID—Hyperventilating in panic from the end credits of one show to the opening theme of the next, local man Ferris Temple confirmed Tuesday that he was frightened after momentarily being forced to engage with reality... Read more » - Airline To Weigh Passengers Before They Board Flight
Air New Zealand will be asking to weigh passengers departing on international flights as part of a voluntary survey to gather data on the weight load and distribution for planes. What do you think?Read more...... Read more » - Unprepared Tim Cook Frantically Taping Battery To Pair Of Sunglasses For Apple Event
CUPERTINO, CA—Muttering “Come on, come on” under his breath as he attempted to bind the two objects together, an unprepared Tim Cook was frantically taping a battery to a pair of sunglasses ahead of his keynote... Read more » - Elizabeth Holmes Discovers Secret Of Theranos Technology Right As Prison Cell Door Closes
BRYAN, TX—Jumping up and down and shouting when the answer she’d spent years searching for finally came into focus, prison inmate Elizabeth Holmes reportedly discovered how to make the Theranos blood analyzer work last week at... Read more » - Pence Says Decision To Run For President Came After God Told Him He Could Get 6-Figure Speaking Deal From It
DES MOINES, IA—Speaking at a kickoff rally shortly after launching his candidacy, former Vice President Mike Pence told supporters Monday that his decision to run for president came after God convinced him he could get a... Read more »
- ● You'll need 'eagle eyes' to spot word 'seal' among sea of letters in 5 seconds or less
In order to win this tricky brain teaser, players must locate the word 'seal' in five seconds or less. Be warned, you'll need eyes like a hawk as the word is hidden in a sea of... Read more »Published: June 7, 2023 - 6:00 am
- ● Woman's life in tatters after DNA test reveals boyfriend is actually her nephew
A woman has taken to social media to share how she started a family with her biological nephew not knowing about their connection, and now she's been left questioning their future... Read more » - 5 iconic Toronto landmarks where it would be fun to find a body on the new Law & Order spinoff
Get your murder puns ready because iconic copaganda show Law & Order is heading north of the border! And while we could focus on CityTv’s choice to make yet another American spinoff instead of a Canadian... Read more »
Published: June 6, 2023 - 7:38 pm - 'I've been invited to 7 weddings this year and all of them banned kids - I'm sick of it'
A mum says she's become fed up with attending weddings where children aren't allowed, having been invited to seven child-free weddings over the course of the last year alone... Read more » - Woman branded 'pathetic' for brutally honest verdict on best friend's wedding dress
The wedding guest was slammed after delivering her brutally honest verdict when asked her thoughts on the bride's gown - one she thought was ill-fitting and unflattering... Read more » - 'Sister gave me a list of 'reserved' baby names at my gender reveal - she's not pregnant'
A pregnant woman says she was left astounded after her single sister-in-law rocked up to her gender reveal party with a list of 'reserved' baby names, despite not actually being pregnant herself... Read more » - Enter our £3,600 Aldi voucher giveaway and go wild in the aisles!
A dozen lucky winners could each be walking away with a cool £300 to spend in Aldi thanks to our fantastic competition... Read more » - Chef says we've all been breaking Toblerone up wrong and it's left everyone puzzled
A top chef has advised puzzled chocolate fans that they've been breaking up Toblerone wrong, but his correct way of doing things hasn't exactly convinced everybody... Read more » - “Ohh, I guess mirrors are woke now too?” claims conservative POC
AUSTIN, TX – In a very expected turn of events, local conservative person of colour Amol Khan has voiced outrage over what he perceives as yet another example of liberal indoctrination: woke mirrors. This self described... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 3:35 pm Books by Jennifer Oliver O'Connell:
Murder in Bermuda
12% Off$24.95$21.83 (as of June 6, 2023 03:44 GMT -05:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)- 'I make my teenagers wear dresses when visiting grandparents - it saves a row'
A woman has taken to Reddit to share how she'd rather dress her daughters in dresses when visiting their grandparents than listen to her in-laws complain about them wearing trousers... Read more » - Woman's life turns into horror movie after finding hidden door behind wallpaper
A woman has taken to social media to share how she discovered a secret room in her house four years after moving in - and got the fright of her life when she opened it... Read more » - 'I'm six months pregnant and just discovered my husband's affair with my best friend'
A mum is devastated after learning that her husband has been having an affair with her best friend for four months, despite her currently being six months pregnant... Read more » - Toronto actresses psyched to play dead bodies on new Law & Order: Toronto series
TORONTO – Actresses across Toronto rejoiced yesterday at the announcement that a spinoff of Dick Wolf’s famous “Law & Order” series would be set in their city, signalling a chance for them to finally achieve a... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 2:34 pm - Hairdresser shares exact number of times we should wash our hair - and some had no idea
Hair washing is one of the most common chores going - one we think we all know how to complete - but you might be surprised to learn just how many times you ought to wash... Read more » - Inside cottage with spooky underground tunnel and secret 'meeting room' on sale for £425k
An unassuming four-bedroom cottage has gone on the market for £425,000, but it has a bizarre hidden feature - an underground tunnel that could date back to the 1500s... Read more » - B&M shopper shares 'genius' £16 hack that will keep you cool while you sleep
A B&M shopper is raving about an effective £16 hack that allows you to comfortably sleep at night during high temperatures - people are saying it's the 'best thing ever'... Read more » - 'My name is an insult - I want to change it but it'll break my mum's heart'
A woman has taken to social media to beg users to stop using the name Karen as an insult - saying it has gone on long enough and she wants her name back already... Read more » - 'My neighbour took my package and threw it away as it was 'suspicious' - I'm baffled'
A man was fuming when a package of his was mistakenly delivered to a neighbour, as when he went to pick it up, they'd chucked it away because it looked 'suspicious'... Read more » - MP's wife had affair with playboy prince then was locked in asylum for rest of her life
In 1871 Edward, the then Prince of Wales, appeared in court to discuss his relationship with Harriet Mordaunt whose husband had filed for divorce when she admitted a series of affairs... Read more » - Inside the abandoned UK leisure centre left to rot - with water still in swimming pools
The leisure centre in Portadown, Northern Ireland was once a popular destination for locals but was closed down when a new 30-million pound complex opened nearby... Read more »
- The United Church of Christ apologized for not being "anti-racist" enough because of this calendar image. Can you spot the problem?
The United Church of Christ is a mainline Protestant church of a particularly liberal and woke persuasion and, in their desire to be "anti-racist" they put out this inclusive desk calendar.... Read more »
Published: June 6, 2023 - 10:50 pm - "Tucker on Twitter" Episode 1 just dropped and here it is
Episode 1 of Tucker's new Twitter show just dropped, and here it is:... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 10:12 pm - This college student was given a failing grade for using the term 'biological women' in a gender studies essay
University of Cincinnati student Olivia Krolczyk claims that her gender studies professor gave her a zero on an essay proposal after she used the term 'biological women' in a paper about transgender athletes competing against biological... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 10:07 pm - Illinois State Senator decides to take entire legislative session off, WITH PAY, so she can focus on her "life transformation" consulting business
It must be nice to be a Democrat where you can literally get paid to not work.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 9:22 pm - Angler lands monster world-record catfish – it's over 9 feet long
Most of us, when we go out fishing, just hope to take a couple of blue gill or bass out of the water and call it a day.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 9:14 pm - D-Day was 79 years ago today. Let Ronald Reagan remind you why it matters.
June 6 is one of the most important and consequential days in global history — the day when the free people of the world launched a counterassault that would claw the planet back from genocidal tyranny.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 9:01 pm - Target faces backlash as 200 LGBT groups demand they return pride displays to front of stores and issue statement apologizing
Target is facing more major backlash. But this time, it's not from conservatives.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 8:49 pm - Someone cosigned disgraced Rep. George Santos' half-million-dollar bond and he's willing to go to jail to keep their identities secret 🧐
George Santos has already disgraced himself fifty times over, so it's not like anyone expects anything more of him these days.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 7:59 pm - Chris Christie files paperwork to run for president
Chris Christie, former New Jersey governor and early Trump buddy turned bitter foe, has submitted his paperwork to run for president as a Republican in 2024.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 7:37 pm 
- "I Am Not A Dress": A poem in defiance of transgender ideology and the erasure of women is making its rounds on the internet
You guys, this poem was written by a 14-year-old Irish girl and it's about the most powerful piece of literature I've seen for our time and age.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 7:12 pm - Planned Parenthood says "any reason is the right reason" to get an abortion and introduces "Lucky," who got one because she wanted to start identifying as a man
Planned Parenthood has come out guns blazing with their latest promotions of the grave sin of abortion, with a series of recent videos from women who have had abortions talking about how great and wonderful their... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 6:20 pm - Trump totally called the PGA-LIV merger almost a year ago
Yeah Trump totally nailed the merger between the PGA Tour and Saudi-backed LIV Golf. He posted this almost a year ago:... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 5:50 pm - This Canadian funeral home offers rooms for assisted suicide on-site!
Canada's rapidly growing MAID program, Medical Assistance in Dying, is getting out of hand.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 5:26 pm - Arnold Schwarzenegger says the role of The Terminator was down to him and O.J. Simpson, but no one could see O.J. as a killer.
In an interview given for the new Netflix docuseries "Arnold," Arnold Schwarzenegger sat down with "The Terminator" director James Cameron to look back at the iconic film.... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 5:17 pm - Watch: Mt. Everest climbing guide spots a dying man near the summit, wraps him up, straps him to his back, and hikes him 6 HOURS down to safety
The story is incredible: Mt. Everest climbing guide Gelje Sherpa was leading a private client to the top of the gigantic and dangerous mountain when he spotted a dude who was clearly dying only about 500... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 5:09 pm - New York City just introduced crack pipe vending machines. Really.
Sometimes you scroll through your social media feeds and see things so ridiculous, you just KNOW it has to be from the Babylon Bee. This is one of those cases:... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 3:41 pm - Diversity Win: Love Island To Feature First ‘Aesthetically Challenged’ ContestantTHE WILDLY popular dating show Love Island has been on the receiving end of huge praise after its brave decision to allow ‘an absolute rotter’ enter the villa for the very first time. “At Love Island... Read more »
Published: June 6, 2023 - 3:21 pm - Body Language Expert Analyses Holly Willoughby ‘This Morning’ StatementWWN’s resident body language expert Dr Laura Kingston watched Holly Willoughby segment of This Morning in which addressed the sacking of Phillip Schofield. Her analysis throw up interesting information for fans and people who remain suspicious... Read more »Published: June 6, 2023 - 3:16 pm
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