FUNNY NEWS

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrat members of the Armed Services Committee questioned nominee Pete Hegseth's qualifications to serve as Secretary of Defense after they learned he had never once worn a dress.... Read more »

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Preparations are well underway in the nation's capital for next Monday's presidential inauguration, with planners announcing that music star Carrie Underwood will be present to perform a new original song titled "Donald, Take... Read more »

MINNEAPOLIS—After months of declining sales at the retail chain, experts confirmed Tuesday that Target was losing market share due to more Americans opting to forgo all earthly possessions. “While Target used to have a loyal customer... Read more »

HOUSTON—Coming to terms with its diminished status after thousands of years as a venerated deity commanding pure devotion, the sun admitted this week that it was unsure what it had to do to get humans to... Read more »

TULSA, OK — Congregants at a local church were witnesses to what many people described as a divine act as the worship leader somehow managed to play an entire hymn exactly as it was written.... Read more »

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As he enters his last week as Commander in Chief of the United States, President Joe Biden was reportedly up all night wracking his brain to figure out what else he can screw... Read more »

AUSTIN, TN — After news broke that the president-elect was serious about negotiating to purchase the Danish-controlled island in the North Atlantic, one Republican hipster made sure everyone around him knew that he wanted to annex... Read more »

LOS ANGELES, CA — As the devastation spread and the death toll continued to rise with firefighters working tirelessly to contain the blazes, a suspected arsonist was arrested for allegedly attempting to use a gas blowtorch... Read more »

LOS ANGELES, CA — After a grueling six-month journey, two little people known as hobbits reached the Santa Monica Mountains on their quest to destroy the One Ring by hurling it into the roiling fires of... Read more »

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the inauguration of President-elect Donald Trump set to take place next Monday, White House insiders revealed that the mood was somber as Jill Biden prepared for her final week as president.... Read more »

President-elect Donald Trump said that he would move to try to rename the Gulf of Mexico to the “Gulf of America,” a name he said has a “beautiful ring to it.” What do you think? The... Read more »

Adjusting to life with a newborn is a formidable task. The Onion presents tips for supporting the new parents in your social circle. Drop off a meal from their favorite restaurant to remind them of their... Read more »

At least five fires across the Los Angeles area, including one in Hollywood Hills, scorched more than 45 square miles and put roughly 180,000 people under evacuation orders. What do you think? The post Historic Wildfires... Read more »

PALM BEACH, FL—Noticing everyone else’s phone simultaneously buzzing throughout a meeting, Vice President-elect JD Vance began to suspect there was another group chat among Trump’s senior staff that he wasn’t part of, sources confirmed Monday. “It... Read more »

WASHINGTON—Revealing a steep decline in the populace’s knowledge of its own country, a distressing survey commissioned Monday by the Department of Education found that most U.S. citizens are unable to name all 340 million Americans. “The... Read more »

Singer-songwriter SZA has released Lana, the long-anticipated deluxe edition of her critically acclaimed 2022 album SOS. Here is what you need to know about the artist. Musical Genre: Murder jazz Vocal Style: Power whisper Fandom Name:... Read more »

The first person to have a severe case of H5N1 bird flu in the United States has died, with the patient, who was over 65 and reportedly had underlying medical conditions, being hospitalized after exposure to... Read more »

LOCATION CLASSIFIED—Grumbling “Not this shit again” as a shadowy figure zipped around at the edges of his vision, elite commando Maj. Teddy “Sandman” Hawthorne confirmed Friday that he was sick of unseen assailants darting through the... Read more »

The post Biden Wanders Into Flames appeared first on The Onion.... Read more »

WASHINGTON—Touting the coin as the first in American history to feature an assassin, the United States Mint introduced a controversial new John Wilkes Booth penny Friday. “With this one-cent coin, we honor John Wilkes Booth, a... Read more »

Robbie Williams' new biopic has taken the world by storm - with the singer being portrayed by a CGI monkey. While it's been a success in the UK, Americans have been sharing their thoughts on why... Read more »

He was left red-faced after his eating habits were exposed via his wife's Clubcard app - revealing a huge amount of one particular bakery item he enjoys before work... Read more »

TikTok user Tayln Virden has shared her ultimate list of baby names, which she has been working on for her 'entire life' - and it includes some rather unusual options... Read more »

A new study has revealed the most cringe-worthy moments Brits have been caught yawning - and it seems there's never a good time to stifle a yawn... Read more »

The woman is "heartbroken" after her husband said he felt disrespected and embarrassed enough to want a divorce following her actions at a lively brunch event her friend was hosting... Read more »

Employment agony aunt Izzy Panton telling 'white lies' is perfectly acceptable when under interrogation from a prospective employer - and it'll boost your chances of landing the job in question... Read more »

For parents, deciding on their child's name is one of the most important decisions they will make - but it can be even harder if you have twins or a second child. A baby name consultant... Read more »

A mum-to-be has accused her mother-in-law of stealing the spotlight away from her pregnancy by making it 'all about her' - and she's even demanding the baby has a specific name... Read more »

With millions doing Dry January, I tried 12 non-alcoholic beers to see which were best and worst, including Heineken, Guinness, Brewdog and more... Read more »

A mum named Dontella has revealed the reasons why she thinks it's important to teach children about the value of money from a young age, after seeing how it'd already benefitted her 7-year-old son... Read more »

Influencer and content creator Débora Peixoto, 32, has shared her extreme beauty hack that uses her own faeces to make a face mask, claiming it leaves her skin looking 'radiant'... Read more »

Pistachio-flavoured things seem to be everywhere, and now Starbucks have jumped onto the hype with their brand new products - but are they worth the social media hype?... Read more »

Cooking up a storm in the kitchen doesn't always have to take up a lot of time - and this recipe from Jamie Oliver is ready to eat in just 20 minutes from scrats... Read more »

Controversial adult film star Bonnie Blue claims to have broken a world record by sleeping with more than 1,000 men in 12 hours, allegedly overtaking record holder Lisa Sparks... Read more »

If you're looking to seriously test yourself with a tricky brainteaser, look no further, as there are many moggies to spot in this picture - but can you find them all?... Read more »

A pub quiz question that was so tricky it 'caused a war' between quizzers has been shared online, and many are still unable to get the right answer - can you solve it?... Read more »

Controversial adult star Bonnie Blue appears to be at loggerheads with fellow creator Lily Phillips after allegedly sleeping with more than 1,000 men in just 12 hours... Read more »

If you're wondering what to get your other half for Valentine's Day, then look no further, as this £1 gift from Poundland could be the one to make them swoon this year... Read more »

Last year, the UK and Ireland had 1,052 independent bookshops at the end of 2024, down only slightly on the year before when the figure was 1,063, said the Booksellers Association... Read more »

With plans to fly to Mars in the 2030s, Nasa has published a technical brief on what happens if an astronaut dies while they're in space.... Read more »