FUNNY NEWS
- ● Mormon Wife Designs Future Planet On Pinterest
BOISE, ID — Local Mormon wife and mother of two Hadleigh Christensen spent a lazy Sunday afternoon using Pinterest to design her future planet.... Read more »
Published: March 16, 2025 - 3:50 pm - Single Woman Constantly Stressed With No Man Around To Tell Her To Relax
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — Local single woman Michelle Denton continues to be perpetually stressed out as she sadly has no man around to tell her to relax.... Read more »Published: March 15, 2025 - 8:43 pm - Biblical Scholars Now Believe Jesus Will Return Again 13 Days After Second Coming To Pick Up Orthodox Believers
U.S. — After years of examining the texts about the second coming of Christ, Bible scholars now believe that Jesus will return again thirteen days after the second coming in order to pick up the Orthodox... Read more »Published: March 15, 2025 - 5:53 pm - Report: Texas Has Saved Humanity Over 3 Trillion Seconds By Shortening 'You All' To 'Y'all'
TEXAS — A new report out of Texas A&M University revealed that Texans have thus far saved humanity three trillion seconds by brilliantly shortening the term "you all" to "y'all."... Read more »Published: March 15, 2025 - 5:21 pm - 128 New Moons Found Orbiting Saturn
Astronomers have discovered over 100 additional moons orbiting Saturn, bringing the gas giant’s total to 274. What do you think? The post 128 New Moons Found Orbiting Saturn appeared first on The Onion.... Read more »Published: March 14, 2025 - 7:53 pm
- JD Vance’s French Horn Solo Booed At Kennedy CenterWASHINGTON—Failing to receive the reaction he anticipated from audience members, JD Vance was booed at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts while playing a French horn solo, sources confirmed Friday. The stage curtains... Read more »
- RFK Jr. Claims Measles Can Be Cured With A Good ConcealerWASHINGTON—In the wake of a growing outbreak that has sickened hundreds and killed two in West Texas and New Mexico, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claimed Friday that measles could be cured... Read more »
- Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of CourageThe post Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage appeared first on The Onion.... Read more »
- Tennessee Man Shot By Dog
A Memphis man was recently grazed by a bullet in his home after his 1-year-old pit bull, Oreo, got his paw stuck in the trigger guard of a gun, causing it to fire. What do you... Read more » - MY AMERICA: “I HATE ST. PATRICK’S DAY”
Listen up, you green-beer-guzzling, shamrock-waving lunatics—I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with this St. Patrick’s Day baloney! Every March, the whole country turns into a bunch of giggling, emerald-clad nitwits, prancing around like leprechauns on... Read more »Published: March 14, 2025 - 3:46 pm
- How Canadians Are Fighting Back Against U.S. TariffsAs the trade war heats up, Canada has imposed 25% retaliatory tariffs on billions of dollars of U.S. goods. Here are all the other ways Canada is fighting back: Dramatically paring back supply of fictional girlfriends... Read more »
- Bachelorette Party Provides Friends Valuable Time To Get High With Bride’s CousinPALM SPRINGS, CA—Appreciative of the quality time with those who have touched the life of their dear friend, guests at a bachelorette party expressed gratitude Friday that the recent celebration had provided them with valuable time... Read more »
- Pale Trump Boys Ask When They Can Stop Giving Uncle Elon BloodWASHINGTON—Slumping back in their chairs and whining at the sight of intravenous lines in their bruised arms, a pale Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly asked their Uncle Elon on Friday when they could stop... Read more »
- Report: More Americans Moving Away From Urban Areas For Rural Life Where They Have Escalating Feud With BeaverCAMBRIDGE, MA—Suggesting the reversal of a longstanding historical trend towards urbanization, a report published Tuesday by researchers at Harvard University revealed that more Americans were moving away from cities to pursue a rural life where they... Read more »
- CEO’s Son Explains Why He Refuses To Let Father Help Him Sexually Harass SubordinatesThe post CEO’s Son Explains Why He Refuses To Let Father Help Him Sexually Harass Subordinates appeared first on The Onion.... Read more »
- Trump Announces New Visa Tier For Immigrants Who Will Be Friends With BarronWASHINGTON—Extending an offer to immigrants hoping to relocate to the United States, President Donald Trump unveiled a new type of visa Thursday for any foreign citizen willing to move to America to be friends with his... Read more »
- Feds Uncover Terabytes Of Free Speech During Raid Of Protestor’s ResidenceWASHINGTON—Following a daring operation that saw authorities seize the man’s property and detain him in an undisclosed location, FBI director Kash Patel announced Thursday that federal agents had uncovered 43 terabytes of free speech from local... Read more »
- THE NAVY BLOWS IT: WHALE FART MISTAKEN FOR RUSSIAN DRONE 🚢🐋💨
High Alert Over the High Seas The British Royal Navy found itself in deep water this week after mistaking a particularly gassy whale for a hostile Russian drone. Reports indicate that a routine patrol in the... Read more » - Feminist Sprinter Refuses To Take Baton On The Grounds It Looks Like A Penis
EUGENE, OR — Claiming it ‘looked like a penis’, feminist track star, Ebony Jackson refused to grab the baton from her teammate during Saturday’s 400-meter relay race. Click To Read Full Article... Read more »Published: March 10, 2025 - 2:45 pm
- What Trump is telling hardline Republicans to get them to vote for funding bill
Leigh Ann Caldwell, Chief Washington Correspond Click To Read Full Article... Read more »
Fake News:
- ● A.F. Branco Cartoon – President Tampon Tim?
A.F. Branco Cartoon – Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz has announced that he will be hosting town hall events in Republican-held..... Read more »Published: March 16, 2025 - 12:00 pm
- Video● A tale of two redlines
Biden comments 'furthered human suffering and scuttled the pursuit of U.S. strategic interests'... Read more »
Published: March 16, 2025 - 9:48 pm - ● ‘Tectonic shift’: Trump and the economy: Opportunities and risks
'Citizens now prefer Trump's GOP as the party of workers over the Democrats'... Read more »Published: March 16, 2025 - 9:30 pm - ● Reality check: American towns and states don’t want green energy
2025 'may be the beginning of the end of the transition in the United States'... Read more »Published: March 16, 2025 - 9:24 pm - ● Getting out of forever wars
Post-9/11 clashes have cost the United States $8 trillion, nearly a million lives directly and indirectly... Read more »Published: March 16, 2025 - 8:58 pm - ● The AI integration crisis: A view from the tactical edge
Call issued for 'revolution' in revamping and improving military operations... Read more »Published: March 16, 2025 - 8:50 pm - ● DOGE revelation: ‘Federal government spending is nebulous and almost designed to be that way’
Complexity 'shields waste, fuels inefficiency' and makes it harder to fix... Read more »Published: March 16, 2025 - 8:31 pm - ● Forget the negative income tax, how about a negative tariff?
'Americans would be even more inundated with the world's plenty'... Read more »Published: March 16, 2025 - 8:15 pm - ● ‘Watch the news’: Marco Rubio goes to war with network anchor over ‘terrorist’ student
'I don't know where we've gotten it in our head that a visa is some sort of birthright – it is not'... Read more »Published: March 16, 2025 - 8:03 pm - ● The people vs. Gavin Newsom’s mandate
Warning issued over his 'zombie-like' faith in electric vehicles... Read more »Published: March 16, 2025 - 7:46 pm
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