FUNNY NEWS
- Having Achieved Peace In The Middle East, U.S. To Withdraw Troops
AFGHANISTAN—U.S. troops are celebrating Biden's announcement that forces will withdraw from Afghanistan this year, having achieved total peace all across the Middle East. The post Having Achieved Peace In The Middle East, U.S. To Withdraw Troops... Read more »
Published: April 13, 2021 - 11:09 pm - In Effort To Boost Ratings, CNN Showing Reruns Of The Russia Investigation
U.S.—In an effort to boost ratings, CNN has announced a series of special broadcasts revisiting some of the most riveting and sensational moments of the Trump Russia collusion investigation. The post In Effort To Boost Ratings,... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 10:14 pm - U.S. Domestic Terrorism Rises To Historic Levels
A nonpartisan data analysis by the Center for Strategic and International Studies found that U.S. domestic terrorism incidents skyrocketed in the last 25 years, driven by growing right-wing extremist attacks which hit an all-time record of... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 8:58 pm
- Minneapolis City Council To Offer Looting Passports
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—The Minneapolis City Council has voted unanimously for the equitable distribution of looting passports to peaceful protestors. The post Minneapolis City Council To Offer Looting Passports appeared first on The Babylon Bee.... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 8:41 pm - Democrats: ‘Voting Needs To Be So Easy That Even The Most Uninformed Idiot Can Do It’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats have slammed Georgia's voting laws and similar laws across the country, and are demanding that voting be made easier. The post Democrats: ‘Voting Needs To Be So Easy That Even The Most Uninformed Idiot Can... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 8:07 pm - Police Department To Avoid Future Errors By Replacing All Equipment Officers Carry With Guns
BROOKLYN CENTER, MN— In a swift response to renewed calls for reform following the fatal shooting of 20-year-old Daunte Wright, the Brooklyn Center Police Department announced Tuesday that they would avoid future errors by replacing all... Read more » - Pope Francis Kept Up By Drunk Cardinal Arguing With Girlfriend In St. Peter’s Square
VATICAN CITY—Unable to tune out the noisy altercation coming in loud and clear through his bedroom window, Pope Francis could not sleep Monday night because a heavily intoxicated cardinal was engaged in a shouting match with... Read more » - The Babylon Bee Presents: The Top 10 Wokest Bible Characters
Brought to you by: The post The Babylon Bee Presents: The Top 10 Wokest Bible Characters appeared first on The Babylon Bee.... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 7:04 pm - Here Are The Biden Administration's 10 Great Ideas To Get Dumb Conservative Rednecks To Take The Vaccine
Jen Psaki held a press conference yesterday where she revealed the Biden administration's plan to reach out to dumb redneck conservatives to get them to take the vaccine. She had many great ideas for getting these... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 5:18 pm - New Report Finds 72% Of Americans Planning On Ending Things With Brian Once Pandemic Over
WASHINGTON—In what is being hailed as the strongest evidence yet that Americans do not see a future with the 34-year-old X-ray technician, a new report released Tuesday by the Pew Research Center found that 72% of... Read more » - 'Am I Being Detained?' Shouts Libertarian Toddler As He’s Carried Off To Bed
Brought to you by: The post 'Am I Being Detained?' Shouts Libertarian Toddler As He’s Carried Off To Bed appeared first on The Babylon Bee.... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 4:25 pm - Report: Biden Infrastructure Plan Now Includes $300 Million To Bail Out Essential Looters
WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to reports, the latest draft of President Biden's $2.3 trillion infrastructure plan includes $300 million to bail out essential looters. The post Report: Biden Infrastructure Plan Now Includes $300 Million To Bail Out Essential... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 4:00 pm - Nation Glad They Could Spend $450 Million For Astronaut To Have Little Epiphany About Humanity’s Place In Universe
WASHINGTON—Smiling sweetly in an effort to make themselves clear, the U.S. populace confirmed Tuesday they were glad they could spend $450 million for an astronaut to have a little epiphany about humanity’s place in the universe.... Read more » - Geologists Recommend Eating At Least One Small Rock Per Day
BERKELEY, CA—Calling the average American diet “severely lacking” in the proper amount of sediment, Geologists at UC Berkeley recommended Tuesday eating at least one small rock per day. “In order to live a healthy, balanced lifestyle,... Read more » - U.S. Faces Ketchup Packet Shortage
The U.S. is facing a ketchup packet shortage after the coronavirus pandemic led to a surge in demand driven by accelerated take-out and delivery trends. What do you think?Read more...... Read more » - Entirety Of Objectionable Human Behavior Explained To Toddler As Person Acting Silly
BATON ROUGE, LA—Noting the phrase’s ubiquity as an answer to almost every uncomfortable societal question, sources confirmed Monday that the full range of objectionable human behavior was explained to local toddler Oliver Jordan as a person... Read more » - 10 Easy Ways To END RACISM FOREVER
There's a lot of talk about ending racism, and no one really agrees on how to go about doing it. But we're experts, and experts always know what they're talking about. The post 10 Easy Ways... Read more »Published: April 12, 2021 - 11:27 pm
- 4-year old tab closed, never read
NORTH BAY, ON – On Sunday, William Herd finally closed a browser tab he had opened four years ago. The tab contained a long-read from ProPublica on what the world can expect from a Trump presidency.... Read more »
Published: April 13, 2021 - 9:46 pm - Couple say yes to everything their kids ask for - and people are praising them
A mum took to Facebook to share the hilarious results of an entire day agreeing to whatever her children asked for - and parents loved the idea inspired by the new Netflix film 'Yes Day'... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 6:48 pm
- Air Canada promises to refund tickets with your money
OTTAWA – After a deal was reached to provide Air Canada with a $5.9 billion aid package, a spokesperson for the company announced they would allow refunds for tickets now that they can use your money.... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 5:55 pm - Barber moves cancer patient to tears after shaving off his own hair in support
Footage of a barber shaving his own hair to show support to his friend and co-worker who has cancer has racked up more than 9.4 million views on TikTok - and people were touched by the... Read more » - Farmer claims we've been storing our eggs the 'wrong' way in the fridge
A farmer from Nebraska has gone viral on social media after claiming that his followers had been storing their eggs 'all wrong' as he claims the point is meant to be at the bottom... Read more » - Man sends Facebook scammers "cheap" teabag and biscuits instead of pricey phone
Anthony Cooper, 36, sent his scammers a package filled with a "cheap and nasty" teabag and two Custard Cream biscuits to teach them a lesson after they tried to cheat him... Read more » - Jacob unveils plans to eat that for a dollar
MONCTON, NB – Speaking to an assembled crowd outside of his 2nd grade classroom, 8-year-old Jacob Moir has announced that he intends to eat any substance his classmates can name and provide, in exchange for no... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 2:59 pm - Repair shop finds pleading note and cash bribe hidden inside broken iPhone
Viewers have been left divided over a video in which a worker at a repair shop claims to have found a note hidden inside a broken iPhone asking them not to fix the device... Read more » - 'I changed my baby name for my sister but now she's demanding I change it again'
A woman has turned to the internet for some much-needed advice about baby names after her sister demanded she change what she's calling her daughter, not once, but twice... Read more » - Ontario school opening/closing policy determined by a cat who wants in or out
TORONTO – Ontario’s Ministry of Education cat has determined that schools will be closed after he decided to come inside. The feline, Misty the COVID Cat, was at first hesitant to make a decision as Premier... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 2:27 pm - Mum baffled after son given Happy Meal with just a slice of cheese and ketchup
Nicola Doherty, from Grangemouth, Scotland, ordered a plain cheeseburger Happy Meal for her seven-year-old son but soon discovered that the meat and bun were nowhere to be seen... Read more » - Hairdresser explains why you should never take inspiration pictures to the salon
EXCLUSIVEWe all love going to the salon for a pamper and chit-chat, but before you take a seat in the stylist's chair, Adam Reed has opened up about the secrets of the job... Read more » - Delivery driver tells customer their feet stink after dropping off takeaway
People were left open-mouthed after a delivery driver appeared to insult a customer while dropping off their food, in an exchange that has gone viral on social media after being shared online... Read more » - Experts say your decking is upside down and the grooves are not there for grip
A post on Instagram says that most people have installed their decking upside down as the ridges are there to encourage circulation and stop rotting - not provide more grip... Read more » - Man shares 'FBI tip' for getting someone to say yes to any question you ask
A TikTok user has gone viral after sharing a useful technique from former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss on the social media platform, to do with answering questions... Read more » - Brits divided over name of game where you knock on someone's door and run away
The classic game, which many of us fondly remember taking part in as a child, sparked a debate on social media recently as people shared the various names for it up and down the country... Read more » - Liberals shut down probe into sexual misconduct in the military after discovering they don’t care about sexual misconduct in the military
OTTAWA – Liberal members of a defence committee investigating sexual misconduct in Canada’s military have, in concert with Bloc Quebecois MPs, voted to shut down the investigation after the Liberals uncovered incontrovertible proof during the probe... Read more »Published: April 12, 2021 - 10:15 pm - Dating app Hinge is paying people to go on a date as lockdown restrictions ease
To celebrate coronavirus restrictions easing and restaurants offering outdoor dining, Hinge, the dating app "designed to be deleted" is doing everything in its power to get you out again... Read more » - Some of Mario’s friends still haven’t forgiven Donkey Kong for the barrel throwing years
DONKEY KONG ISLAND – Despite a storied decades-long career as one of the most popular and iconic characters in the Nintendo universe, Donkey Kong is still regarded with suspicion by some of Mario’s friends because of... Read more »Published: April 12, 2021 - 6:55 pm - Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
MONTREAL – Rioters who took to the streets in Old Montreal last night are concerned that current COVID restrictions are recklessly harming small businesses before they have a fair chance at destroying them. “I really feel... Read more »Published: April 12, 2021 - 5:14 pm
- An ambassador of the UAE swung by a falafel shop in Jerusalem during his visit to Israel. Let me explain why this is so ridiculously significant.
To the average person, this is just a photo of two dudes chatting outside a Middle Eastern restaurant:... Read more »
Published: April 13, 2021 - 10:28 pm - The internet had a field day with this tweet from Rep. Ayanna Pressley
This tweet from Massachusetts Representative and "Squad" member Ayanna Pressley must be in the running for the dumbest commie comment of 2021:... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 7:16 pm - Watch CNN’s technical director admit to propaganda on hidden camera and literally say "Our focus was to get Trump out of office" and "We got Trump out" 👀
I'm not surprised in the least, but watch CNN's technical director spill the beans on how their propaganda machine works:... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 5:53 pm - A video gamer managed to trick White House press into asking Jen Psaki questions for WEEKS before someone figured it out 😂
This is troll level 100, my friends. A user from the online Roblox video game platform managed to infiltrate the White House press pool and feed them questions to ask the Biden administration on a variety... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 4:51 pm - If some storks bring babies, I’m pretty sure this one assists the Grim Reaper
I like birds, but not when they stalk my nightmares:... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 4:42 pm - “Old Football Injury” Confirms Man Who Slipped In Shower Mid Wank“OH the limp? No, no, I’ve always had it. Old football injury,” insisted local man Mark Farrell under polite inquiry from concerned friends who couldn’t help but notice his constant grimacing amid the carrying out of... Read more »
Published: April 13, 2021 - 4:40 pm - Since we're on the verge of crippling inflation due to drunken-sailor government spending, take a moment to watch Ronald Reagan warning us about that exact thing
This will be fun to watch again in a year when we're paying $10 for a gallon of milk.... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 3:57 pm - Biden’s Dog Reminded He’s Only Supposed To Bite RepublicansUS PRESIDENT Joe Biden’s German Shepard Major is to undergo an intensive training regime to get him out of his biting habit, or at least to help ensure he bites the right people from now on.... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 12:12 pm
- Man Wanted By FBI For Questioning Takes Questions About His Dad From UK Media InsteadTHERE WERE peculiar scenes in the UK in addition to The Great British Mourn-off as Prince Andrew, known for his close association with deceased human trafficker and sex abuser Jeffrey Epstein, presented himself for questioning to... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 12:06 pm
- Watch this dude mercilessly tear into a CNN reporter on live TV at the latest “peaceful protest” in Minneapolis
This is terrifying and magnificent at the same time.... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 11:28 am - How to have an arse-clenchingly awkward family reunion, by William and HarryFALLEN out? Want the next family get-together to be sphincter-tighteningly awkward for everyone? Princes William and Harry explain how.... Read more »
Published: April 13, 2021 - 11:17 am
- Rashida Tlaib said “no more policing” and declared law enforcement “inherently & intentionally racist.” Check out the kill shot to this nonsense.
Michigan Representative Rashida Tlaib literally wants to ban law enforcement in America:... Read more »Published: April 13, 2021 - 11:11 am
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